3 Reasons Why Goal Setting Will Kill You
In this week's episode, I'm going to save your life from the evil and villainous plans of Goals.
Goals are disasters waiting to happen. They’re landmines for your soul. They’re positivity baited hooks that deceive your trust. Sure every single person who’s ever achieved some measure of success touts the importance of goal setting. We get it, braggers. But what they don’t tell you is; goals take work, a lot of work. They’re not easy. In fact, goals are perilous to your leisure and complaining time.
Now sadly, many of you listening right now are setting goals. I can’t save everyone. But maybe for those of you who have fallen prey to the seductive whispers of potential, I can lessen the blow when adversity comes knocking and believe me, it will. So, without further ado, I present to you 3 reasons why goal setting can and will kill you.
1. Goals make you think you can succeed
One of the many problems with Goals (and believe me there are a lot!) is there are always complications and unforeseen difficulties that inevitably obscure the desired outcome of success. It’s never an easy straight road. In fact, the dumb road weaves and bends and feels like an eternity to reach the end… If you reach the end.
As I said, nothing ever goes according to plan. If it did, I’d be a trillionaire, living on the Death Star, eating pizza every day. But sadly that’s the not the case. Why? Because apparently, to have the life you want you have to work for it. You simply can’t write, “I want a trillion dollars” and then wait for it to magically appear in your bank account. Trust me, I tried that, which is complete BS. It’s a goal, isn’t? I even wrote it down! Now I have to bust my ass for a trillion lousy dollars? Go suck an egg, goal.
FYI, that was exhausting just saying that imagine how much worse it would be to actually try and do it. You’ve been warned.
2. Goals stain your dreams with reality
Plucking your dream from the fantasy tree makes it spoil immediately. Reality will bruise and squash your dream because unfortunately dreams only become a reality when you try and as I’ve said, trying leads to failure. You want proof? How many times did you fall learning to walk? Or ride a bike? Or how many times have you tried asking someone out that wasn’t awkward? Or how many jobs have you been passed on? Exactly. Trying leads to failure.
Wishes and dreams are only meant to live in your mind. Goals ruin what should be your daily means of escapism. Life is incredibly hard and out of your control. You need to have reality escape pods to jettison your sanity to a mystical land where you can instantly be who you want. You simply close your eyes, and you’re immediately whisked away to a wondrous world where you’re working at your dream job, with your dream body, and living with your dream partner. There’s no effort or failure, just instant gratification.
How do you feel after daydreaming about something you want? I, personally, feel incredible. I’m filled with the hollow happiness that only daydreaming can provide. I can dream away without any disappointment or failure. Sure, there’s instant regret and stress when I come back to reality, but at least I know my dream hasn’t been sullied by it. That disappointment I’m feeling is merely the self-perceived inescapable reality of my Life.
3. Goals make you grow
Guess what happens to you if you do foolishly succeed at achieving your stupid goal? You set another goal. There’s no such thing as just a “goal”! They always hunt in packs. Once you achieve something you’ll be forced to set another goal, and then another one, and another one, and another one, and another one. It never ends.
Let me give you a real-life example. I wanted to get in shape. So I did by creating a manageable fitness goal with simple steps. Now I can’t stop being in shape. I keep creating new challenges to keep me motivated to continue staying in shape. Why? Because I know I can do it! By accomplishing these stupid goals fills me with the belief and knowledge that I can achieve what I want! It’s like a parasite has taken hold of my body. Now I walk to places, and I take the stairs because I have the energy, I don’t throw my back out sneezing, my overall quality of life has improved, and I’m willingly buying vegetables. It’s a Goddamn nightmare.
We live in the golden age of Big Pharma! There’s a pill for everything! Why put all this stupid time and energy into the goal of staying in shape when I can just sit back, eat a pizza while complaining about my health, and wait for my doctor to prescribe something with more side effects than the population of a mid-sized city. Besides, there are pills for the side effects!
The point is, once you achieve something you can’t turn back. You can’t just wipe your hands and go back to living in the beautiful world of denial and excuses because you proved your pipedream was actually possible. You now have to live in this new exhausting reality.
So the next time you’re being tempted by the seductive whispers of setting a goal, pull the emergency brake hard and escape back to your Comfort Zone as quickly as possible! That’s the beauty of your Comfort Zone: it will never judge. Your Comfort Zone will always accept you back into its loving arms and wrap you in its tepid warmth allowing you to push down the seeds of doubt about quitting too soon. So years down the road you can enjoy the fruits of your fully-grown regret tree because you wisely vowed never to set a Goal again.