It's Okay... To Be Superficially Materialistic
In this week’s episode I’m going to free you from gratitude's evil clutches by celebrating your need to only finding happiness in frivolous things. Materialism is the new popular contest. Don't get left behind!
What’s wrong with taking great pleasure and putting all your happiness into a material object? Nothing! But the gratitude cult would have you believe that by somehow flaunting and finding happiness only in the things we own instead of finding happiness lurking somewhere deep inside of us like some creepy positivity stalker makes us superficial. Well I say get a mental restraining order on your positivity stalker and show your annoying loud mouth co-worker what a new TV really looks like!
Here’s a question, if materialism and superficiality are so wrong then explain the popularity of Instagram? That’s right. You can’t. The more you scroll and see everyone else so happy because of what they have or how they look, inspires you to race out and create an even better life façade renovation. I mean look at all the likes they’re getting? Don’t get left behind in jealously-ville! Hop on the materialism train and get your butt to showboat city ASAP! Materialism is the new popularity contest.
This hurtful fabrication that materialism and superficiality are some sort of evil self-centred delusions that are helping to create a shallow society is based on the false belief that instead of pinning importance on what you desire you should instead be grateful for what you already have. Aka poor people talk. Whether it’s absurdly overpriced shoes, a way too expensive dinner, a car that isn’t necessary, essentially all the things that other people have that you don’t, will make you feel rightfully empty inside. Never latch on to the misguided notion of loving who you already are, happiness in your health, your friends and family, your ability to live free, or the fake power of being in service to others. Having gratitude for what you already have is loser speak. Inner happiness can’t buy anything other than a Costco sized vat of denial to bathe yourself in.
Look, we all have down days, because as we all know, life is out to get us. So the best way to show life that you can create your own happiness is by going out and buying it! It’s called shop therapy for a reason, because it works. And for those of you who say you don’t have the money, do you have a credit card? Because that’s money! But it’s maxed out? Apply for a new one! The western world’s economy of excess is based on credit. It’s there to be abused! What’s the worst that can happen? Run away spending? Get a third part time job or simply declare bankruptcy. Boom. Problem solved.
The only way to fill the void of unhappiness inside of you is with the short-term rush that only an impulse buy can provide. Then when that moment quickly disappears move on to the next purchase. You’re not only helping yourself feel better your helping the economy. It’s a two for the price of one! Who doesn’t love a good sale? And while you’re shopping be sure to ignore those annoying people who love garden stones that say, “Money can’t buy happiness” because guess what? They needed money to buy that novelty stone and it clearly makes them happy. The point is happiness, confidence, self-esteem, and other important fulfilling beliefs can only be bought. Trying to create your own happiness from inside yourself is like trying to buy a luxury condo with positive thoughts. Good luck with that, hippy.
Think about materialism in terms of nature. In nature bright plumage is used to attract mates, why are we any different? Whether it’s a gold Rolex, Gucci purse, or a larger TV, in order to woo the right mate you must attract them with what you have, not who you are! The squirrel with the most nuts gets sexiest squirrel. That’s science. So don’t worry about things like gratitude, honesty, and integrity. Worry about what kind of car do they drive? How many credit cards to they have? How many pairs of jeans do they in their closest that still have tags on them? These are healthier ways to get a truer sense of who someone is and more importantly how happy they can make you with what they own.
The key to creating your own happiness is avoiding responsibility for your happiness by understanding that your happiness can only be derived from owning material things. There’s nothing special about a sunset because anyone can enjoy that. But watching the glow of a sunset reflecting off the hood of a your new Mercedes is not only breathtaking it’s Instagram worthy!