5 Hacks to Help You Settle in Life
Time. It’s the one thing we never get back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. That’s why it’s crucial to settle in life to allow you more time to enjoy the Golden Age of Distraction rather than try to actualize your potential and create your own happiness. Thankfully, in this week’s episode, I’m going to help arm you with 5 mediocrity hacks to help you fast-track your way to settling in life! Netflix and YouTube thank you in advance.
We live in the golden age of distraction! YouTube, Smartphones, Social Media, video games, binge-watching, pointless apps, and online shopping, never has it been easier to instantly tune yourself out of your stress-filled status quo and flee to the world of escapism and make-believe.
Whereas going to the gym, getting your diet on track, fixing your relationship, finding a relationship, changing your job, or manifesting your dream job, all require time. Time is your most precious commodity. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. There’s no Groupon for buying back time. That’s why it’s crucial to spend as much time as you can enjoying what you can enjoy. And the only way to do that is to settle in life so you can free up as much time as possible to escape the endless pressures of potential and creating your own happiness.
So let’s stop wasting time, and get to the five mediocrity hacks that will allow you to fast track your settling and supercharge your time wasting!
1. Play the Victim Card
There is no greater joy in life than being able to deflect blame. The ability to shift the spotlight of responsibility from you to someone else for the state of your crappy life is priceless. The Victim Card allows you to claim that nothing is your fault. That you’re a helpless victim and pawn in the game of life and that favouritism and luck are the real culprits in your inability to live the life you want. So instead of working hard to get that promotion, slack off, deep dive into the YouTube vortex, and when your keener co-worker, Janet, gets the promotion you want, you can sit back between fail compilations and claim Janet’s success is pure favouritism rather than you self-sabotaging yourself.
2. Gossip and relax
There’s incredible freedom in gossiping. Why try when you can merely undermine someone else’s happiness? I’ve highlighted the benefits of this before. When you gossip, you not only control the narrative, but you also keep everyone around you in line, which means people will be less likely to attempt something stupid like creating their own happiness when they know you’ll just backstab them.
Nothing eats up time faster than trying to accomplish a goal. So spread a rumour and then distract yourself by binging an entire season of something rather than trying to fix the part of your life that your friend was trying to change before you undermined them with your gossiping. Why yes, I would love to watch another episode, Netflix!
3. Flee reality for Fantasyland
Remember, trying takes time. Imagining you’re already successful is instant. So why put in the hours, days, and months, hoping for a result when you can just close your eyes and already be that person? Seems like a no-brainer. Daydreaming is simple, instant, and painless. There’s no better way to pass the time at your crappy job ignoring your new boss Janet’s motivational emails than to slip off to fantasyland and daydream about what your life could have been like if you had applied yourself and got that promotion instead.
4. Live vicariously through others
This builds off fantasyland, except instead of fantasyland take a trip to your favourite social media platform and let yourself live vicariously through the images, posts, and snaps of someone else’s seemingly perfect life. Nothing helps cement your settling more than jealousy. Always look at your life by what you don’t have rather than what you do have. Compare, compare, compare, repeat. That’s the secret sauce for ensuring you don’t start believing in yourself. Never allow someone else’s success to inspire you to do the same. Instead, utilize the additional power of the Victim Card to add some jet fuel to your jealousy and then fasten your seatbelt as your mediocrity escalates quickly.
5. Soothe things emotionally
Nothing soothes life faster than using a Band-Aid solution for what ails ya! Whether it’s shop therapy or emotional eating. Use an external outlet to soothe what’s going on inside you. Sure these are short-term hits of happiness that really don’t address the larger issue at hand but to be fair pizza’s delicious and that new pair of jeans you’ll only wear once is eligible for free shipping. Look, escaping the pain of your reality is now a simple mouse click away and think of it as helping small business owners achieve their dreams.
Put your reality blinders on and deep dive into distraction armed with these five habits. And as I illustrated earlier, you can stack these habits. Use them in all sorts of beautiful combinations. Live vicariously through someone and then emotionally eat fried chicken. Slap that victim card down and gossip your heart out. Deep dive into fantasyland and then reward yourself by buying another pair of Nikes.
Sure, your cubicle fills you with rage, your overall health is sliding, your dreams are screaming to be released into the world, and you can’t hold onto a relationship longer than a month because you rightfully don’t trust people with your heart, but is that any reason to go out and attempt to change things? No. Who has the time? Keep pushing down the pain with layers of distraction like a 5-layer denial bean dip of disappointment until it’s too late to turn things around. Then when time truly has run out, you can sit back, and let the burning fires of regret keep you warm! It’s like a regret stuffed duvet for your soul! You’re welcome.