Link Between Hawaiian Pizza and Sociopaths Discovered


NEW YORK (The Incorrect Broadcast) - In a groundbreaking study, researchers have discovered a direct correlation between people who enjoy Hawaiian pizza and sociopaths. The independent research headed by geneticist, Dr. Barbara Franklin, found a recessive gene that acts as an inhibitor shutting off key information pathways between the brain and body.

The merits of Hawaiian pizza have been a hot button topic of late, dividing most on social media, with even the Prime Minister of Iceland wishing to ban it if he could. Although it was first originally credited to a pizza shop in Canada back in the 1960s, scholars have found references to pineapples on pizza dating back to the early 1700s when European explorers first brought it back with them from the newly discovered South American continent.  It was often referred to as Flavo Mortem or “Yellow Death”.

The study’s findings, which will be published in leading medical journals next month, state’s that gene BRN-74 is the common link between these two types of individuals. In the case of sociopaths, this gene is responsible for cutting off an individual’s ability to feel empathy towards others. While the in the case of people who enjoy pineapples on pizza the gene inhibits the brain’s cognitive ability to taste how disgusting Hawaiian pizza really is.

When asked if this discovery will help researchers find a cure for people who are sociopaths or eat pineapple on pizza, Dr. Franklin replied, “We unfortunately can’t cure either but with proper gene therapy and screening we can now hopefully rehabilitate them back into society.” Dr. Franklin further adding, “For sociopaths they’re not aware of what is going on but pineapples on pizza is still a choice, which makes people who deliberately choose to eat Hawaiian pizza even more of a danger to society then previously thought.”