Canadians Trust Justin Trudeau's Hair
OTTAWA (The Incorrect Broadcast) - A new poll is showing Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s hair is enjoying unprecedented support across Canada. While the man himself has seen his popularity drop to the mid 40s his hair is boasting a robust 75% support amongst Canadian voters.
The poll’s findings have political analysts scratching their heads but Professor Edward Sterling, from the University of McGill, has an explanation… Unicorn hair. Professor Sterling, who has been studying the impact of hair and leadership throughout history, is finding a correlation between great hair and successful leadership, as Professor Sterling states, “Trudeau’s hair is visually soothing, an ocular hug if you will. Or as I describe it in my research, his hair is follicle whale music which elicits a state of soothing and stress relieving mindfulness.”
Meanwhile, south of the border, Sterling’s research paints a far bleaker picture. Trump’s white knuckled comb over and his nose diving approval rating is the perfect reflection of the current state of the affairs in the US. Or as Professor Sterling describes it, “A hot mess of divisive social and follicle anarchy.”
That’s why France’s recent embrace of political novice, Emmanuel Macron’s coiffed leading man hair, has many global analysts wondering if we are seeing the beginning of a new political era of Style Superpowers with the rise of Trudeau and Macron’s manly manes.
Macron’s rise only further backs up Sterling’s research, who goes on to say, “No matter what happens, Canadians as a whole have found their happy place in Trudeau’s majestic locks. Even with his failed promise of electoral reform and pushing ahead with controversial pipelines, the country is willing to forgive him as long as he continues to use a high quality conditioner.”
Despite the doom and gloom of today’s economic, social, and environmental uncertainty, the mystical power of Trudeau’s transcendent hair has created a blissful sanctuary for Canadians. One that now has the Conservatives and NDPs scrambling to the salons as 2019 federal election quickly approaches.